Praise be to Allaah.
Islam
has enjoined upon the husband duties towards his wife, and vice versa,
and among these duties are some which are shared by both husband and
wife.
We
will mention – by the help of Allaah – some of the texts of the Qur’aan
and Sunnah which have to do with the duties of the spouses towards one
another, quoting also from the commentaries and views of the scholars.
Firstly:
The
rights of the wife which are hers alone:
The
wife has financial rights over her husband, which are the mahr (dowry),
spending and accommodation.
And
she has non-financial rights, such as fair division between co-wives,
being treated in a decent and reasonable manner, and not being treated
in a harmful way by her husband.
1.
Financial rights
(a)
The mahr (dowry). This is the money to which the wife is entitled
from her husband when the marriage contract is completed or when the
marriage is consummated. It is a right which the man is obliged to pay
to the woman. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And give to the women
(whom you marry) their Mahr (obligatory bridal-money given by the husband
to his wife at the time of marriage) with a good heart” [al-Nisaa’ 4:4]
The
prescription of the mahr demonstrates the seriousness and importance
of the marriage-contract, and is a token of respect and honour to the
woman.
The mahr is not a condition or essential part of the marriage-contract,
according to the majority of fuqahaa’; rather it is one of the consequences
of the contract. If the marriage-contract is done without any mention
of the mahr, it is still valid, according to the consensus of the majority,
because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“There is no sin on you, if you divorce women while yet you have not
touched (had sexual relation with) them, nor appointed unto them their
Mahr (bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage)”
[al-Baqarah 2:236]
The fact that divorce is permitted before consummation of the marriage
or before stipulating the mahr indicates that it is permissible not
to stipulate the mahr in the marriage-contract.
If the mahr is stipulated, it becomes obligatory upon the husband; if
it is not stipulated, then he must give the mahr that is given to women
of similar status to his wife.
(b)
Spending. The scholars of Islam are agreed that it is obligatory
for husbands to spend on their wives, on the condition that the wife
make herself available to her husband. If she refuses him or rebels,
then she is not entitled to that spending.
The reason why it is obligatory to spend on her is that the woman is
available only to her husband, because of the marriage contract, and
she is not allowed to leave the marital home except with his permission.
So he has to spend on her and provide for her, and this is in return
for her making herself available to him for his pleasure.
What is meant by spending is providing what the wife needs of food and
accommodation. She has the right to these things even if she is rich,
because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“but the father of the child shall bear the cost of the mother’s food
and clothing on a reasonable basis” [al-Baqarah 2:233]
“Let the rich man spend according to his means; and the man whose
resources are restricted, let him spend according to what Allaah has
given him” [al-Talaaq 65:7]
From the Sunnah:
The Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) said to Hind bint ‘Utbah – the wife of Abu Sufyaan
– who had complained that he did not spend on her: “Take what is sufficient
for you and your children, on a reasonable basis.”
It was narrated that ‘Aa’ishah said: “Hind bint ‘Utbah, the
wife of Abu Sufyaan, entered upon the Messenger of Allaah
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said, ‘O Messenger of
Allaah, Abu Sufyaan is a stingy man who does not spend enough on me
and my children, except for what I take from his wealth without his
knowledge. Is there any sin on me for doing that?’ The Messenger of
Allaah (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said, ‘Take from his wealth on a reasonable basis,
only what is sufficient for you and your children.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari,
5049; Muslim, 1714)
It was narrated from Jaabir that the Messenger of Allaah
(peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) said in his Farewell Sermon:
“Fear Allah concerning
women! Verily you have taken them on the security of Allah, and intercourse
with them has been made lawful unto you by words of Allah. You too have
rights over them, and that they should not allow anyone to sit on your
bed [i.e., not let them into the house] whom you do not like. But if
they do that, you can chastise them but not severely. Their rights upon
you are that you should provide them with food and clothing in a fitting
manner” (Narrated by Muslim, 1218)
(c)
Accommodation. This is also one of the wife’s rights, which means
that her husband should prepare for her accommodation according to his
means and ability. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Lodge them (the divorced
women) where you dwell, according to your means” [al-Talaaq 65:6]
2.
Non-financial rights
(i)
Fair treatment of co-wives. One of the rights that a wife has
over her husband is that she and her co-wives should be treated equally,
if the husband has other wives, with regard to nights spent with them,
spending and clothing.
(ii)
Kind treatment. The husband must have a good attitude towards
his wife and be kind to her, and offer her everything that may soften
her heart towards him, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“and live with them honourably” [al-Nisaa’ 4:19]
“And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living
expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards
obedience and respect) to what is reasonable” [al-Baqarah 2:228]
From
the Sunnah:
It
was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said:
“The Messenger of Allaah (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘Be kind to women.’”(Narrated
by al-Bukhaari, 3153; Muslim, 1468).
There
follow examples of the kind treatment of the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) towards his wives – for
he is the best example:
1.
It was narrated from Zaynab bint Abi Salamah that Umm Salamah said:
“I got my menses when I was lying with the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) under a single woollen sheet.
I slipped away and put on the clothes I usually wore for menstruation.
The Messenger of Allaah (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to me, ‘Have you got
your menses?’ I said, ‘Yes.’ Then he called me and made me lie with
him under the same sheet.”
She
said: And she told me that the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to kiss her when he
was fasting, and the Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and I used to do ghusl to cleanse
ourselves from janaabah from one vessel.(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 316;
Muslim, 296)
2.
It was narrated that ‘Urwah ibn al-Zubayr said: “ ‘Aa’ishah said: ‘By
Allaah, I saw the Messenger of Allaah
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) standing at the door of
my apartment when the Abyssinians were playing with their spears in
the Mosque of the Messenger of Allaah
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). He covered me with his
cloak so that I could watch their games, then he stood there for my
sake until I was the one who had had enough. So you should appreciate
the fact that young girls like to have fun.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari,
443; Muslim, 892)
3.
It was narrated from ‘Aa’ishah the Mother of the Believers (may Allaah
be pleased with her) that the Messenger of Allaah
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to pray sitting down;
he would recite Qur’aan when he was sitting down, then when there were
thirty or forty aayahs left, he would stand up and recite them standing
up. Then he did rukoo’, then sujood; then he would do likewise in the
second rak’ah. When he had finished his prayer, he would look, and if
I was awake he would talk with me, and if I was asleep he would lie
down.
(Narrated
by al-Bukhaari, 1068)
(c)
Not harming one’s wife.
This
is one of the basic principles of Islam. Because harming others is haraam
in the case of strangers, it is even more so in the case of harming
one’s wife.
It
was narrated from ‘Ubaadah ibn al-Saamit that the Messenger of Allaah
(peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) ruled, “There should be no harming nor reciprocating harm.”
(Narrated by Ibn Maajah,, 2340)
This
hadeeth was classed as saheeh by Imaam Ahmad, al-Haakim, Ibn al-Salaah
and others. See Khalaasat al-Badr al-Muneer, 2/438.
Among
the things to which the Lawgiver drew attention in this matter is the
prohibition of hitting or beating in a severe manner.
It
was narrated from Jaabir that the Messenger of Allaah
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said in his Farewell Sermon:
“Fear Allah concerning
women! Verily you have taken them on the security of Allah, and intercourse
with them has been made lawful unto you by words of Allah. You too have
rights over them, and that they should not allow anyone to sit on your
bed [i.e., not let them into the house] whom you do not like. But if
they do that, you can chastise them but not severely. Their rights upon
you are that you should provide them with food and clothing in a fitting
manner” (Narrated by Muslim, 1218)
Secondly:
The
husband’s rights over his wife.
The
rights of the husband over his wife are among the greatest rights; indeed
his rights over her are greater than her rights over him, because Allaah
says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And
they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses)
similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience
and respect) to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility)
over them [al-Baqarah 2:228]
al-Jassaas
said: Allaah tells us in this aayah that each of the spouses has rights
over the other, and that the husband has one particular right over his
wife which she does not have over him.
Ibn
al-‘Arabi said: this text states that he has some preference over her
with regard to rights and duties of marriage.
These
rights include:
(a)
The obligation of obedience. Allaah has made the man a qawwaam
(protector and maintainer) of the woman by commanding, directing and
taking care of her, just as guardians take care of their charges, by
virtue of the physical and mental faculties that Allaah has given only
to men and the financial obligations that He has enjoined upon them.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allaah has
made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support
them) from their means” [al-Nisaa’ 4:34]
‘Ali ibn Abi Talhah said, narrating from Ibn ‘Abbaas:
“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women” means, they are in
charge of them, i.e., she should obey him in matters of obedience that
Allaah has enjoined upon her, and obey him by treating his family well
and taking care of his wealth. This was the view of Muqaatil, al-Saddi
and al-Dahhaak.(Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 1/492)
(b)
Making herself available to her husband. One of the rights that
the husband has over his wife is that he should be able to enjoy her
(physically). If he marries a woman and she is able to have intercourse,
she is obliged to submit herself to him according to the contract, if
he asks her. That is after he gives her the immediate mahr, and gives
her some time – two or three days, if she asks for that – to sort herself
out, because that is something that she needs, and because that is not
too long and is customary.
If a wife refuses to respond to her husband’s request for
intercourse, she has done something haraam and has committed a major
sin, unless she has a valid shar’i excuse such as menses, obligatory
fasting, sickness, etc.
It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased
with him) said: “The Messenger of Allaah
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘When a man calls
his wife to his bed and she refuses, and he went to sleep angry with
her, the angels will curse her until morning.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari,
3065; Muslim, 1436)
(c)
Not admitting anyone whom the husband dislikes. One of the rights
that the husband has over his wife is that she should not permit anyone
whom he dislikes to enter his house.
It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with
him) that the Messenger of Allaah
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “It is not permitted
for a woman to fast when her husband is present without his permission,
or to admit anyone into his house without his permission. And whatever
she spends (in charity) of his wealth without his consent, ….” (Narrated
by al-Bukhaari, 4899; Muslim, 1026)
It was narrated
from Sulaymaan ibn ‘Amr ibn al-Ahwas: my father told me that he was
present at the Farewell Pilgrimage (Hujjat al-Wadaa’) with the Messenger
of Allaah (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him). He [the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)] praised and glorified Allaah,
then he preached a sermon and said: “Treat women kindly, for they are
prisoners and you have no other power over them than that, if they are
guilty of open lewdness, then refuse to share their beds, and hit them,
but not severely. But if they return to obedience, (then) do not seek
means (of annoyance) against them. You have rights over your women and
your women have rights over you. Your rights over your women are that
they should not let anyone whom you dislike sit on your bed and they
should not let anyone whom you dislike enter your house. Their rights
over you are that you should feed and clothe them well.”
(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1163 – he said this is a saheeh hasan hadeeth.
Also narrated by Ibn Maajah, 1851)
It was narrated that Jaabir said: [the Prophet]
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“Fear Allah concerning
women! Verily you have taken them on the security of Allah, and intercourse
with them has been made lawful unto you by words of Allah. You too have
rights over them, and that they should not allow anyone to sit on your
bed [i.e., not let them into the house] whom you do not like. But if
they do that, you can chastise them but not severely. Their rights upon
you are that you should provide them with food and clothing in a fitting
manner” (Narrated by Muslim, 1218)
(d)
Not going out of the house except with the husband’s permission.
One of the rights of the husband over his wife is that she should not
go out of the house except with his permission.
The Shaafa’is and Hanbalis said: she does not have the right to visit
(even) her sick father except with the permission of her husband, and
he has the right to prevent her from doing that… because obedience to
the husband is obligatory, and it is not permitted to neglect an obligatory
action for something that is not obligatory.
(e)
Discipline. The husband has the right to discipline his wife
if she disobeys him in something good, not if she disobeys him in something
sinful, because Allaah has enjoined disciplining women by forsaking
them in bed and by hitting them, when they do not obey.
The Hanafis mentioned four situations in which a husband is permitted
to discipline his wife by hitting her. These are: not adorning herself
when he wants her to; not responding when he calls her to bed and she
is taahirah (pure, i.e., not menstruating); not praying; and going out
of the house without his permission.
The evidence that it is permissible to discipline one's wife
includes the aayahs (interpretation of the meaning):
“As to those women on whose part you see ill‑conduct,
admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their beds, (and last)
beat them (lightly, if it is useful)” [al-Nisaa’ 4:34]
“O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against
a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones” [al-Tahreem 66:6]
Ibn Katheer said:
Qutaadah said: you should command them to obey Allaah, and forbid them
to disobey Allaah; you should be in charge of them in accordance with
the command of Allaah, and instruct them to follow the commands of Allaah,
and help them to do so. If you see any act of disobedience towards Allaah,
then stop them from doing it and rebuke them for that.
This was also the view
of al-Dahhaak and Muqaatil: that the duty of the Muslim is to teach
his family, including his relatives and his slaves, that which Allaah
has enjoined upon them and that which He has forbidden them. (Tafseer
Ibn Katheer, 4/392)
(f)
The wife serving her husband. There is a great deal of evidence
(daleel) for this, some of which has been mentioned above.
Shaykh
al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah said:
She
is obliged to serve her husband according to what is reasonable among
people of similar standing. That varies according to circumstances:
the way in which a Bedouin woman serves (her husband) will not be like
the way of a town-dweller, and the way of a strong woman will not be
like the way of a weak woman. (al-Fataawa al-Kubraa, 4/561)
(g)
Submitting herself to him. Once the conditions of the marriage-contract
have been fulfilled and it is valid, then the woman is obliged to submit
herself to her husband and allow him to enjoy her (physically), because
once the contract is completed, he is allowed in return to enjoy her,
and the wife is entitled to the compensation which is the mahr.
(h)
The wife should treat her husband in a good manner, because Allaah
says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living
expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards
obedience and respect) to what is reasonable” [al-Baqarah 2:228]
Al-Qurtubi said:
It was also narrated from him – i.e., Ibn ‘Abbaas – that this means:
they have the right to good companionship and kind and reasonable treatment
from their husbands just as they are obliged to obey the commands of
their husbands.
And it was said that they have the right that their
husbands should not harm them, and their husbands have a similar right
over them. This was the view of al-Tabari.
Ibn Zayd said: You should fear Allaah concerning them just as they should
fear Allaah concerning you.
The meanings are similar, and the aayah includes all of that in the rights
and duties of marriage.(Tafseer al-Qurtubi, 3/123-124)
And
Allaah knows best.
to seek more of it. Allaah says (what means): 
said: "There are six stages to knowledge: 
